Contradiction
by Pingypuff
Summary: Angsty DekuBaku stuff ahead! Yes you read it - Bakugou is uke in this because I love uke Bakugou. This is probably gonna be around a good 15 chapter, though they're all pretty short. 18 plus stuff will be kind of long and feel off with the rest of the pacing, sorry. I'm trying to improve on this buuuuuut you'll have to deal with it for now.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 - On the spur of the moment**

It all started after their fight at Ground Beta. Maybe it was because Katsuki let go of his stubbornness for just a moment too long when he advised Izuku about his shoot style moves. The shorter looked so sincerely happy about it and even started humming as he was dragging the vacuum across the floor. Katsuki caught himself having stared at that overjoyed mess of a face from the corner of his eye a bit too long and quickly turned his gaze elsewhere, conflicting feelings filling his chest. If the other knew how much a stupid smile like that affected him...

"Don't look so incredibly happy about it, stupid..."

Izuku looked up from the floor and over his shoulder. Curious eyes staring the taller in the back. He was positively surprised about him suddenly being so talkative.

"Hm? Did you say something, Kacchan?"

Said person let out a defeated sigh, which took Izuku a bit off guard. It sure wasn't everyday one got to hear him sigh like that.

Katsuki felt his chest grow heavier as he parted his lips. "Hearing something like that from me... does it really make you that happy?", he asked without really knowing what use he'd have of that information.

The emerald-eyed put the vacuum cleaner down onto the floor to walk up to the side of his rival, getting way too close with concerned eyes trying to lock with the other's to make sure he was present.

"Are you okay, Kacchan? I didn't damage your head, did I?"

Katsuki kept his focus on the floor where he was vacuuming as to avoid eye contact when he opened his mouth to reply, but Izuku was apparently so impatient for an answer that he couldn't even wait two seconds before he had to force the blonde to look him in the eyes by cupping his cheeks into bruised palms, turning his face his way. His voice already getting louder of worry.

"Hello!? Kaccha-"

The face before him cut him off. Warm, flushed cheeks in his palms, and wide crimson eyes meeting his with an obvious hint of fear but also of something else that he couldn't really put his finger on. A feeling that he didn't recognise tickled weirdly in his chest. It tickled, but... It also stung. Eyelids lowered as he admired the face of his childhood friend in a way he had never done before. That "something else" in the other's eyes that he had difficulties making out, felt like it was desiring him to come closer and for some reason... it was making him desire the same.

"Kacchan...", he spoke quietly, feeling a slight twitch in his palms as response.

Acting before thinking, which was highly unusual for the young man, Izuku closed in to the point where he could feel the warm breath of the other against his lips. Though once he opened his eyes that at some point had gone shut, he abruptly stopped in his movements, barely a couple of millimetres separating the two. The person in front of him... looked scared to death. What... reaction had he been expecting exactly? Wait, what was he even doing!? Had he just tried to... to...

_Kiss..._

"Ah... Aaaah!", he exclaimed in realisation as he withdrew himself. "S-sorry! I'm so sorry! Kacchan, I-"

"Always, always..."

"Huh?"

"You've really always been looking down on me, haven't you, shitty nerd!?"

Katsuki clenched his fists as to keep himself from getting violent again. Izuku tried to protest but the other wasn't going to give him that kind of opportunity. He was so sick of hearing this idiot's stupid stories.

"And you still are! Now more than ever!", the blonde yelled as loud as he could. "Kacchan this, Kacchan that! Do you seriously enjoy mocking me that much!?"

The shorter took a step back as Katsuki's glare threatened to tear him apart if he kept persisting, and he wasn't going to risk starting another fight.

Though he'd come to regret backing down, as the following silence lasted for what felt like an eternity.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - There is nothing more mortifying**

"Nngh...! Deku..."

Wet sounds filled the dark room along with an unnamed scent of shame. Underwear pulled down and discarded onto the floor as his hand kept a steady motion going. How many times had he been doing this by now? While thinking about that particular moment... and what could have been after that. Ever since he had had that one person near enough to feel his breath against his own lips about a week ago, he had been doing this every night and almost every morning as well. Not to mention the frequent bathroom visits during class. It's not like he hadn't been doing this while thinking about Izuku before, but after that almost-kiss he just really couldn't think about anything else and it drove him insane. No matter how many times he took care of himself like this to make the thoughts stop, he was still thinking about it. It was so frustrating that he kept wanting to punch the idiot in the face even more so than usual. Though luckily, the nerd had been staying out of his way lately... Luckily...

Because that's what he wanted, right?

In his head the scene was being repeated over and over. Warm hands embraced his cheeks and worried eyes looked into his. He hated how that look made him feel.

_Don't look at me like that..._

_**I'll give in if you do.**_

The scent of the other's body soap or shampoo or whatever the fuck he was using was lingering around him. It's surprisingly mature with a hint of coconut, not at all like what the blonde had been imagining all these years. After all, the last time he had been close enough to note the scent of the other, they'd just been kids.  
Izuku was probably fresh out of the shower as they had started cleaning which is why the scent was so noticeable. He must have been too exhausted to take one the evening before. He smelled wonderful, the scent buried into Katsuki's mind ready to make the hair on his arms and neck rise whenever he reminded himself about it.

"Fuck..."

His stupid nickname was being uttered in the most gentle voice, warm palms pressed ever so carefully into his skin as the green-haired leaned in for a kiss, and a fresh breath of mint puffed against his lips.

_Stop... I don't want your pity..._

_**Just hurry up and kiss me already, shitty Deku.**_

From here on, the scene always took a different turn in his head. Soft lips met his and the shorter but ever so muscular body pressed against him, touched him everywhere with those roughed up hands of his and...

_What I want is... it's..._

_**...for you to need me the fuck back.**_

One thing lead to another in his made-up version of what had happened and eventually he found his hand covered in his own sticky fluids. He quickly curled up in his bed, hiding under the blanket without even bothering to clean himself up. He felt so desperate, so pathetic, so _humiliated_.

"Go die, Deku..."

_**I can't take this anymore.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - Blooming desire**

Lately, Izuku had been feeling so confused. Not just regarding Katsuki but himself as well, with trying to kiss him last week and this feeling of uneasiness weighing him down since then.

And the way crimson eyes had looked at him as their lips were just about to connect.

Every time he thought back about that expression of his, he felt sick to his stomach. Because of this, he could no longer approach the blonde liked he'd used to. Katsuki had always been difficult to approach but now he was barely even able to greet him good morning. He just felt so... guilty. Guilty because he was the reason his childhood friend had had to make a face like that. Though he had to admit that he was very confused as to why he would be looking at him that way, instead of just punching him in the face which felt more like something he'd do in such a situation. Or rather, something _anyone_ would do if a guy you hated got that close all of a sudden. In fact, if he _had_ been punched, maybe he would have felt much better about the whole thing than he was right now.

The constant thinking about the event that had taken place the week before was making Izuku unable to focus during class, unable to enjoy talking to his friends and, frankly put, unable to satisfy himself. Whatever he tried to think about when he was getting started, quickly got dominated by golden hair and fiery eyes in situations and ways that should never be mentioned. He felt guilty about that as well and said guilt always made him go limp. He had never thought about the blonde in that kind of way before, nor had he thought about any other guy like that either for that matter. The part that he was a guy wasn't even what concerned him the most, if at all. What concerned him the most was that it had to be Kacchan of all people, who hated him more than anything else in the world. So suddenly too... just from seeing those cheeks fire up in his hands. Had this been what one would call the moment of realisation? In that case, what had he even realised? That his childhood friend Kacchan who'd been everything else than nice to him as they grew up, could actually be kind of cute?

_More like adorable..._

A sigh escaped his lips as he once again caught himself thinking something he shouldn't. There was no denying the fact that he was turning delusional. Had he been hit by some kind of quirk? There were people with all kinds of strange quirks around, so that someone would be able to make you infatuated with your rival really wasn't too far-fetched of an idea, right?

"Deku-kun, are you okay? Your face is kind of red..."

Interrupting his trail of thought was Ochako who had been standing at his desk talking in the background for quite some time now. Before Izuku got the chance to react in any kind of way, he felt a small hand stroking his hair aside while another was carefully placed onto his forehead. He looked up at his best friend and supposed love interest to spot her cheeks blossom into a flowery pink as their eyes met.

Whatever he felt in his chest as he had seen Katsuki like that... was not even mildly present.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - Caught in the act**

"So what's going on between you and Midoriya lately?"

As Katsuki and Eijirou made their ways to the dorms after school, the inevitable question arose.

"Haaah? Why would anything be going on between me and that stupid idiot!? Are you asking for a fight!?", the blonde barked in response, although this way of acting was just to cover the truth up by this point. It was him being defensive.

Eijirou didn't flinch. Actually, he didn't give off any kind of reaction at all but just looked like he was in some kind of deep thought, staring up into the air as they were walking which pissed Katsuki off.

"If you're gonna be asking me questions then listen to what I'm saying damn it!"

"You know...", the other started, scratching the back of his neck as if he was getting embarrassed for some reason. He then turned his gaze to meet crimson eyes, looking a bit hesitant.

"I was walking past your room the other night, and... well... How to say this..."

Katsuki's eyes widened as he froze. He knew where this was going by the way the other was acting so awkwardly. There really was nothing else that could be said after he'd started the subject the way he did.

_Don't..._

"You see... I'm pretty sure I caught you in the middle of some stuff... I mean, I didn't look or anything! I just..."

Katsuki felt like he was going to throw up. This could not be real. He had been trying so hard to shut the fuck up! He could barely live with the fact that he himself was aware of his feelings for that jerk, much less someone else. He hated them so much he rather died than having them found out. No one was supposed to know, so... why... why was this happening? Wasn't there someone with a time-manipulating quirk around? The only time he had wished more for such a thing was when he'd let himself be captured and caused trouble for All Might.

_Don't say it..._

A troubled smile shaped itself onto Eijirou's lips, his eyes revealing a hint of worry for his friend.

"You're actually liking him quite a lot, aren't you? Midoriya, I mean."

Time stopped for the blonde as everything around him turned dark. His chest felt so heavy he had difficulties getting any kind of sound past his lips. He opened and closed his mouth several times before he was finally able to speak, although just barely.

"H-haaah?", he stuttered. "So you're really looking for a fight, huh?"

It was useless denying it at this point, he knew that, but... he really had no choice. Admitting to this was not an option. After all, he didn't even want to admit it to himself. Although wanting and having to were two different things, and it had since long been an undeniable fact to him that these feelings were there, however he had no intention of accepting them. Liking someone who thought he was better than him... who kept giving him that look... There was nothing he hated more about himself.

"Ah, no, I-", Eijirou tried while waving his hands in front of him to indicate a misunderstanding but the blonde wouldn't let him talk.

"Yeah it happens that I do it to him! Crushing his pride in my head and imagine that bright smile of his crumble apart as I do so, what could be more satisfying? Just think about that distorted expression the stupid nerd would be making! _Liking_ him? Are you an idiot!?"

The redhead didn't let go of that troubled smile.

"I guess I am. Sorry."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - Chasing ghosts**

It had been several weeks since the event by now and Izuku was growing impatient. He wanted to apologise somehow but didn't know how to start. Several attempts had been made to start a conversation but the blonde had been finding excuses to avoid him every single time. He had been thinking for a while that maybe he should just let him be after all, but he seriously couldn't stand the guilt and discomfort in his guts that had tortured him since that day as it just kept getting worse. The emotional stress regarding this was going to take over his life unless he got the chance to at least apologise.

_Well, I do realise I'm just trying to force my apology onto Kacchan to feel better about myself at this point. He obviously has no interest in whatever I have to say. However an apology has to be done after one did something wrong, no? So the right thing to do would still be... Aaah, this is so confusing!_

In his distraction he bumped into someone on his way to his room.

"Ah, sorr-"

He got silent once he recognised the back and blonde hair in front of him and instinctively took a step back. The taller turned around, ready to snap at whoever wasn't minding his steps, but came to a sudden halt once he spotted the green curls.

A moment of silence passed between the two, before Katsuki turned around again and continued walking without as much as opening his mouth.

"W-wait, Kacchan!", Izuku attempted but to no avail as the figure in front of him just drew further and further away.

Well, it was now or never! There was no one nearby and the blonde sure didn't seem like he was in a hurry somewhere so there were no excuses to be made this time. His legs hesitantly started to move beneath him, and within a few seconds, he had the other's wrist grasped in his hand.

"I said _wait_!"

The young adult before him stopped but didn't turn around to bother facing him. That was fine. As long as he had his attention, Izuku honestly did not care too much about eye contact at this point. He just wanted his apology to get through and the other wasn't making any further resistance which was already more than he could ask for.

"I just wanted to apologise... I'm sorry."

Wow. That was the suckiest apology ever. He thought he'd have so much more to say after all the thinking he had done, but... now his mind was just blank and he didn't know what to say at all. He felt like such an idiot.

It got quiet again, and Izuku thought for a moment that he'd suffocate on the tense air around them before the other finally broke the silence.

"For what? Existing? Persisting? Being a goddamn annoyance?"

For some reason he sounded very... hesitant? Almost as if he wasn't sure he actually wanted a reply to that question, which made it just that much more difficult to answer.

"Aaaah, um... For... suddenly attempting something like that...", Izuku answered, being vague on purpose as he thought a more direct reply might set the normally hot-tempered teen off.

"Something like what?"

Was he being tested? Was he allowed to say it out loud or...

"Like... kissing you. I don't know what flew into me.", he admitted, guilt filling every word. "So, I'm really sorry. Can't we forget about it and, uh... maybe go back to... how we used to be?"

Unbearable silence again, and the blonde was once more the one to break it.

"Forget about it, huh..."

Something twisted painfully inside of Izuku as those words left the other's lips. For some reason he felt the urge to correct himself, but he didn't know what else to say. It's just... when it came from Katsuki, it sounded like the green-haired regretted it, which was not what he'd meant at all.

_Ah, no, of course I regret it if it caused Kacchan to run away from me like this, but... If I'm only considering my own feelings about it, I... Wait, is this really that important right now? I mean, Kacchan hates me anyway, right? It's not like he cares about if I regret it or not..._

While distracted by his thoughts once again, the other started moving in front of him. The grip he'd been securing around the blonde's wrist had been lost in his confusion. Once realising this, the shorter made one last, desperate attempt. It didn't feel right letting him go like this.

"Wait! What do you want me to say, Kacchan!? I won't know unless you tell me!", he yelled. "Talk to me!"

_Please don't run away..._

"You're dead to me, Deku. Next time you talk to me I'll send you flying."

Izuku watched his childhood friend walk away, at a loss for both words and action. He just quietly stood there in his defeat, biting together and clenching fists in frustration about his own helplessness.

_At least say it like you usually do and not like you're about to cry._

_Kacchan..._

_Just lash out at me already._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - With open arms**

_Eijirou: Regarding what I mentioned the other day..._

_Eijirou Don't hesitate to come talk to me if you're having a hard time!_

_Eijirou: Bros gotta be there for each other, right?_

That same evening, Eijirou sent a few supporting messages to his friend. He had never been able to tell him what he wanted when he'd brought it up earlier as he was worried he'd hurt the blonde's pride if he offered his help, but then he remembered a certain someone telling him that he was the only one who could actually offer help without such damage being caused. Little had he expected that it would be knocking on his door within the same minute though. He never would have thought the other would be so quick to react to his offer of support, if at all, so until the moment he opened the door, he was sure someone else would be standing there.

"Ah, Baku... gou...", his voice faded away as he saw the expression painting the other's face. He looked more pissed than anything, but Eijirou could tell that behind that facade, he was actually very hurt. For some reason he had always been good at reading this otherwise very difficult friend of his. "Did something happe-"

Before he got the chance to finish that sentence, Katsuki grabbed a firm hold of his arms, pushing him backwards into the room until he hit the bed with his lower leg and fell backwards onto the soft surface. Confused he looked up at his friend who was now standing on all four over him and without being given time to grip a hold of the situation, eager lips and teeth found their way to his neck.

"Aaaaah, Bakugou wait! Just...", he protested as he tried to push the blonde's face away with his hand. "I... I don't mind, but...!"

A sound he didn't know he could make escaped his lips as he felt something warm and wet make its way across his skin, followed by a trembling breath reaching his ear, putting an end to his resistance.

"_Forget about it_, he said... I'll forget about it alright."

"Bakugou...?"

This guy... was so close to crying that the redhead felt like prying would threaten to break his effort of keeping it in. He was a bit at loss of what to do. He didn't mind doing this kind of thing with Katsuki if it would help him, but... Wouldn't it really just make things worse? Eijirou wasn't good when it came to stuff like this so the situation was very conflicting to him. How was the situation even? Katsuki liked Izuku and obviously hated it for some reason, and now he seemed to be struggling more so than usual because of those feelings... So that means he got rejected, right? Or maybe...

_Why am I so bad at this...?_

"Make it stop...", a defeated voice suddenly whispered against his neck. "I'm so fucking sick of thinking..."

As those words registered in his brain, reason and right or wrong ceased to matter. Because if Katsuki begged him like that, it wasn't an option for him to deny his request.

He tried his best to put on a smile.

"There's no way I have enough stamina to make the great Bakugou unable to think though.", he pointed out jokingly in hope of lightning up the mood, but instead he got a rough bite in his ear as response.

"Ouch, hey!"

"Just shut the fuck up already."

Lips kept attacking the redhead's neck, behind his ear and down his collarbone, the edge of his T-shirt being tugged on for access. Though rather than kisses, Eijirou felt like the blonde was trying to eat him alive.

_Ugh, I'm making the most uncool noises..._

It kind of hurt, but... it also felt kind of good. Was he allowed to think that? He couldn't help but to feel as if he was taking advantage of Katsuki's weakened state, even though he was the one pushed down the bed and getting his neck assaulted.

A hand slipped in under his T-shirt, startling a gasp out of him. He had never been touched like this before after all. Was... he supposed to be returning the favour? He wanted to make his friend feel better so he was more or less just succumbing to his needs. Was being touched included in those needs? He honestly kind of hoped so.

"May... I touch you too?", he managed hesitantly, the other's face still hiding against his neck. Once again, he was punished for not keeping his mouth shut with teeth sinking into his skin. He thought that right now, Katsuki was really behaving like an animal... or more like a beast.

_I guess that's a no... What kind of friend am I asking something like that anyway?_

"Asking that at this point... You sure seem to want to piss me off, Shitty Hair.", a reluctant voice mumbled against his skin.

Okay nevermind, that was most certainly a yes.

With permission granted, Eijirou pushed his body up from the bed to position himself with the other straddling his lap. He let his forehead rest against his friend's shoulder as he felt the warm skin of said friend's back against his fingertips. To difference from Katsuki, he was ever so gentle.

Obviously too much so.

"You suck at this..."

"T-to difference from you I'm really not that experienced, okay!?"

To be honest, he was actually a bit relieved to hear the blonde complain so casually. It made it feel like he was recovering from his distressed state if only a little.

"Hah? What are you talking about? I never did this before."

_Never, huh... Wait what!?_

At the moment of realisation, Eijirou felt a rush through his body. Crap, this was bad. Katsuki was in such a defeated state that he had come to him for comfort and now he was getting all excited about it. He felt like the worst friend ever.

But really? Katsuki was a virgin!?

_Calm down, Eijirou, calm down...!_

The blonde seemed to be growing a bit impatient.

"Well? Didn't you want to touch me?"

"I... I guess..."

"So hurry the fuck up."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 - Curiosity killed the cat**

What was he even so upset about? The reason that kiss had almost happened in the first place, was because Izuku had been feeling sorry for him. There was no mistaking the way he had looked at him.

_Af if I wanted a fucking stupid kiss like that anyway._

Maybe, somewhere deep within, he'd been wishing the idiot would have apologised about that look of his instead of the actual kissing part. _Maybe_ he was just blaming the other, unable to accept the fact that he himself was at fault for having hoped for something else.

Rough hands found their way up his shirt with a bit more confidence this time, stroking his bare back in a long motion until fingertips reached his neck. A relieved sigh escaped his lips as if he had been yearning to be touched for the longest of times. While his collarbone was being kissed, an unfamiliar scent of shampoo mixed with a hint of sweat filled his nose drills. For an instant, he felt disappointed.

_Not like Deku at all..._

Frustrated with himself, he pressed his hands onto the back of the other's head, fingers digging into red hair as he leaned in to make his neck reachable to him, urging him to be a bit rougher. He could still _think_.

_Hurry up..._

As if catching up on the hint, sharp teeth and nails scratched against his skin, causing a low groan to escape the blonde's lips. He could feel his body shiver from the sensation.

Finally they were getting somewhere.

He got out of his tank top so that his friend could gain better access and the latter quickly followed by throwing his t-shirt onto the floor, making sure Katsuki's skin was not unattended for longer than mere seconds. His body was being touched and kissed as if the redhead was thoroughly inspecting every inch of him in detail. Compared to satisfying himself all alone in his bed, even if it wasn't with whom he'd wished for it to be, this...

It felt so fucking good.

Maybe it was because he had never been close to anyone else like this before or maybe it was simply because he'd been feeling so painfully lonely for so long, but Eijirou's touch was making him float. Be that as it may, this pleasure was on the expense of the only real friendship he had. He knew he was exploiting his friend's kindness and this was not a way to act towards someone who cared for you. His actions were inexcusable, however he couldn't help it anymore. His feelings were such a mess and he had always been quick to act on them.

_I'm such an asshole..._

"It's fine."

As if having read his mind, the other spoke gentle words into his ear.

"I really don't mind, so..."

Eijirou retreated from Katsuki's neck to look up at him with an embarrassed smile.

"Actually, you're the one doing _me_ a favour here.", he said a bit hopelessly as he laid his hands onto the other's thighs, slowly pressing them down against him to prove his point. "See?"

Katsuki was honestly caught a bit by surprise as something hard nudged him from below. While he'd come to Eijirou because he knew he'd do most things for his sake, he never expected he'd actually get turned on by it too.

He went silent for a bit too long, which made the other uncomfortable.

"S-sorry, I guess that was a bit too much after all, huh? Ahaha...", he laughed nervously.

"So you're homo as well, huh?"

"Hah!? N-no, I just... I do like girls but..."

"So I look like a girl to you?"

"NO! That's totally not what I ment! I... I've always been looking at girls, but... it's not like I was ever against the thought of doing things with another guy or anything, I just never considered it before.", he fumbled, gaze nervously turning left and right as he searched for words, realising he was probably making little to no sense but what could he do? After all, this was surprising to him as well. "However as far as guys goes, I'm... pretty sure I'm only able to enjoy it because it's you."

The dumbfounded look he got from his friend made him realise he had just said something _really_ embarrassing.

"Ah, please don't take that the wrong way! I promise I'm not crushing over you or anything! You're a good friend and I look up to you and you also happen to be super attractive in bed, that's all!"

The blonde let out a sigh.

"Idiot. You've barely even seen me in bed yet."

With that said, Katsuki reached out for the other's pants.

"Ah, wait, I'll do it...", the redhead mumbled as he lift his butt to pull his pants down. The taller moved a bit to give him space and took the opportunity to remove his own as well before he positioned himself on top of the other's lap again. They were silent for a very long five seconds, before lips were finally parted to speak.

"We... can't really go much further with our underwear still on, can we?", Eijirou asked clumsily, face red to his ears. Neither of them had done this before so things weren't flowing like they were supposed to. That, and they both also only had a very uncertain desire to rely on since there were no romantic feelings involved. Also, the thought of exposing oneself completely before a friend like this really was kind of...

"Then you go first.", the blonde ordered and reached out for the other's underwear to pull down. There were protests but he didn't care, and once the redhead was naked, Katsuki swiftly removed his own underwear as well.

Eijiro swallowed deep by the sight before him, and felt himself grow hard again after calming down a bit during the awkward moment that had just taken place. God, where was he supposed to look!? Was it really okay for him to be looking at his friend this way!? What were they even doing at this point? Katsuki didn't seem too bad off anymore so the original purpose of this whole thing had been lost, but still they kept going.

"L-let's use this...", he managed to get out as he reached for a bottle of lube he had hidden under his pillow. Not the best hiding spot but it's not like he had a lot of visitors to pry and he didn't have a night table to store it in. "Don't misunderstand, I use it for myself..."

"You stick your fingers up your ass?"

"I ment on my dick, okay!?"

"Whatever you say..."

Katsuki had come here expecting to drown the other in his disgusting self-pity and now they were fumbling around like a couple of virgin teenage boys... Well, they were exactly that, but still. At least he was kept too busy to feel like shit.

"Fuck that's cold!", he jolted as the lube-covered hand embraced his half-hard erection.

"Sorry...", Eijirou apologised and wrapped his free arm around the other's body, pulling him in for a hug as he let his lips slide across his shoulder, hand caressing the part of his friend that he thought he'd never touch on anyone but himself. At least this he knew how to properly do.

The blonde felt his body vibrate from the sensation of having someone else's fingers around him for the first time, and his mind quickly drifted off to a world of bliss. Somewhere in a far distance he could feel a hand grasp his, leading it to something warm and hard encouraging him to touch back, which he obediently did.

_Deku..._

Before he knew it, all he could think about was that idiot again. His scent, his voice whispering in his ear, his touch burning on his skin. His stupid freckles sprinkled across his face, his messy bangs sticking to his forehead and his eyes burning with desire telling him he wanted him.

The blonde's eyes closed shut, tears forming in the corners.

_Deku...!_

As he threw his arms around the redhead's neck to tightly embrace him in his high, a hand clasped their members together, stroking them both in a twisting motion. Katsuki had never imagined just being close to someone else would make such a difference pleasure-wise. Though while his body felt amazing, his heart was aching and awfully so.

"Feels good...!"

The words just slipped past his lips on their own and honestly, he didn't even care anymore. His pride had crumbled apart the moment he'd taken a step into this room so he had no reason to keep an act up at this point.

"Yeah...", Eijirou replied with a strained voice, already getting close to climax despite his effort of trying to hold back as much as possible. He'd even slowed down the movements of his hand but it didn't help at all.

Restrained sounds of pleasure repeatedly made their way past the blonde's lips along with that one person's name, although at this point he wasn't aware of what he was doing anymore.

Eventually, he started moving his body for a faster pace.

"Don't...!"

Calling out for someone else while he was pleasuring him aside, the sounds his friend was making into his ear, how he was so desperately clinging onto him and the way he was now moving his hips to meet his strokes were just a tad bit too overwhelming.

"Bakugou... I'm already gonna..."

"W-wait!"

"Sorry...!"

It sure sounded like Katsuki was begging rather than ordering, which most certainly was not helping in the redhead's attempt of delaying his orgasm as much as possible. Incapable of thinking straight, Eijirou did the only thing that came to mind as a way of speeding things up for the other as well and searched for his reddened ear with his lips. He felt a bit cruel about what he was going to do next, but his hesitation was defeated by the desire to satisfy.

"Kacchan."

The blonde gasped in response, feeling the tears that had been gathering up in his eyes finally make their way down his cheeks as a sudden wave of pleasure filled his whole being. Something warm was hitting his stomach and fingers pressed hard into his back while the body in his arms trembled in harmony with his own.

It was over way too soon, and while the act had been generous with pleasure, the aftermath did not offer even the slightest feeling of satisfaction.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 - If only this instant would never end,...**

Izuku had no idea how it had come to this. He had finally been able to apologise but it had just made things even worse. Why was it that he just understood his childhood friend less and less the more he tried to understand him _better_.

It was already past midnight, but he really couldn't sleep. His failed attempt at apologising to Katsuki kept replaying in his mind.

_I asked him to forget about it..._

It felt like something was literally squeezing his heart like someone would squeeze a lemon when he thought back about those words. His hand pressed against his chest by the sensation.

_I guess... this feeling means I really don't want it to be forgotten after all..._

He had realised it'd been unfair of him attempting to apologise about the whole thing when he hadn't even figured out the reason to why he'd tried doing it in the first place yet. Regardless of the other's feelings, he owed him a proper explanation. What he'd been saying had pretty much just been what he'd thought his childhood friend wanted to hear and he hadn't realised how wrong it sounded until the words were repeated back to him.

_Did I really just do it on a whim because I thought Kacchan was being cute? Is that the kind of person I am? I'm not, right? After all, I never tried doing something like that with Uraraka-san..._

Actually, he was trying to avoid having Ochako too close since it made him uncomfortable. He'd always thought it had been because he liked her, but now when he thought about it, he was getting pretty nervous having other girls close to him as well. Maybe he was reacting like that simply because he wasn't used to it.

_Being that close to Kacchan made me nervous too, but... Rather than making me uncomfortable, in that instant I felt... warm and... maybe a bit... eager?_

Realising he was on his way of getting into a weird mood again, he quickly jumped out of bed, ears red and eyebrows furrowed in shame.

_I should get some fresh air._

He wasn't supposed to be leaving his room at this hour but he didn't trust himself staying in here like this. Going against the rules wasn't something he'd normally do but this was an emergency.

After putting on a T-shirt and a warm hoodie, he stepped into his shoes and sneaked out, not bothering to change out of his pajama pants. As he was tiptoeing through the hallway, he could feel his heart beat loudly in his chest from the risk of being found out. Breaking the rules on his own accord like this offered a different kind of excitement that he could honestly live without. If anyone walked into him now, he'd probably freak out.

As he got outside, he could finally breathe out. There was still the risk of camera robots being around but he was pretty sure they wouldn't bother lingering this close to the building.

_It sure gets chilly at nights... I'm glad I decided to put my hoodie on._

He took a few steps to the side of the entrance and squatted down against the wall.

"..."

Hm?

As he felt the presence of another, he looked to his side just to spot who else if not Katsuki squatting down barely two meters next to him. It was in the middle of the night, but there were two tall lamps in front of the building that offered quite a lot of light for him to be able to see.

"K-Kacchan!?", he blurted out before quickly covering his mouth with his hands as he realised he'd been way too loud for someone who didn't want to be found out.

"So annoying...", the blonde mumbled, looking in the opposite direction of which his newly arrived company was sitting.

Izuku slightly tilted his head as he tried to get a look at him. He felt... different somehow. He'd been acting weird for weeks now but this was something else. Bringing up that one subject again was probably not a good idea right now.

"Kacchan, aren't you cold?", he instead asked since he wasn't wearing anything over his tank top.

"I'm fine..."

With those words, a chilly breeze passed by to make even Izuku who was properly covered shiver.

"There's no way you can be fine dressed like that out here!", he objected and unzipped his hoodie. "Here, take this..."

_Ah right, his pride...!_

He was sure the other would feel insulted and start spouting nonsense at him like he usually did, but he didn't get that kind of reaction at all.

"Hah? You're not wearing more than I am under there, right? I said I'm fine, keep your damn shirt on.", the blonde responded sounding somewhat annoyed, still facing the other way. Izuku was speechless.

_Kacchan... If you're going to be considerate all of a sudden I won't know how to act._

After a moment of silence, Izuku moved a bit closer as he got out of his hoodie completely. He then stretched one side of it out behind Katsuki's back to hang it over his shoulder, while the other side was hanging onto his own. It was an oversized hoodie so it was just barely able to cover the backs of the two if they pressed their sides together.

"H-hey, don't just carelessly touch me! I'll kill you!", the blonde hissed, meeting emerald eyes in his carelessness which seemed to cause him to freeze up.

"Ah, you finally looked this way.", the shorter smiled carefully, making sure not to scare his childhood friend away by letting all of his current delight show on his face. Because yes, he felt overjoyed right now. Maybe it was because the other finally talked to him like he used to, or maybe he was simply thrilled to have him so close. In any case, he hadn't felt this good in a long time.

Katsuki's face turned red and his butt dropped down onto the ground so that he was sitting down properly. Izuku did the same and when he did, the hoodie fell off of them both.

Afraid of breaking this one very precious moment, he didn't bother to pick it up. Katsuki didn't complain about it either.

_I feel so warm just from being close to each other like this... Kacchan looks warm as well with the way his face is all red again. I wonder if he'd get like that if anyone else got close to him... I guess I'm being selfish again but I kind of don't like the thought of that._

"Kacchan, do you usually come out here in the middle of the night?", he asked after a while, observing his childhood friend's face who was now looking down.

"Not really..."

He could feel his chest tightening up as he looked at him. He felt blessed, but he knew this feeling was limited to this particular moment. Katsuki was probably only letting him be close because of the weird mood he had going on. Once this was over, he'd never get a chance like this again. Regardless of how the blonde really felt towards him, which was for Izuku a very confusing matter right now, he would keep pushing him away like he had always been, for whatever reason he had to do so.

_If only time would stop like this._

Izuku lowered his gaze to look at their hands that were laying next to each other on the ground, considering brushing his fingers against the other's but decided to satisfy with being able to be close to him like this. For some reason, it made him feel so at ease.

"In that case...", he started as he felt his eyelids getting heavier while the image of their hands slowly began fading away. It was in the middle of the night after all and now when all his worries had left him during this rare moment, he suddenly felt so exhausted. "...I guess I must be super lucky tonight."

As he drifted off, he could feel a hand pull his head in to lean against a warm shoulder. Something wet dripped down onto his cheek in his half-asleep state.

_Ah, it's raining... I hope Kacchan doesn't mind._

He searched out the other's hand after all, letting their fingers intertwine to make sure the blonde was staying by his side. Before falling asleep, he managed a last sentence as he was fearing this moment would end with the rain.

"Don't leave, Kacchan."

It started pouring.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 - ...however nothing lasts forever.**

Unable to fall asleep in the arms of his friend, Katsuki carefully slithered his way out of the embrace to leave the bed.

"I was wondering how long it'd take for you to run off."

The sudden voice almost gave him a small fright. Seemed like Eijirou had been awake all along himself.

"...Sorry.", he hesitantly managed after a pause between them. He felt like such a jerk he couldn't even look his friend in the eyes. This seemed like he was just disposing of the other now when he'd served his use and it made him feel awful.

"I think you mean thank you?", the redhead said as Katsuki was getting dressed. Respecting him as he did, he kept his eyes on the now empty space before him in bed despite being tempted to look at the body he'd been busy pleasuring just about an hour ago. "Just don't be too hard on yourself, okay?"

Katsuki turned around to make eye contact, not looking too amused. "Is that supposed to be funny?"

His tank top was thrown into his face. "You think I'm trying to make a pun out of this? I'm seriously worried, man! You can't blame me for being so after you've come to me like this."

"I was just horny.", the blonde lied while putting his tank top on.

"If that makes you feel better, sure."

Katsuki made his way to the door and put his shoes on. "Thanks, Kirishima.", he said in the most earnest voice the redhead had ever heard him speak in before. He then opened the door and left the room. There was no way he was going to go to bed all alone with his stomach filled with guilt like this, so he left the building for some fresh air instead. He knew he wasn't allowed but he didn't give a fuck.

As he positioned himself against the wall, he let his body sink down in a squatting position. He was trying to sort out the emotional turmoil that was now going on inside of him. He might not have seemed like it to others, but he did often try to figure himself out as it was a handicap in battle to be emotionally unstable. He'd learned that the hard way.

I knew I'd feel like shit regarding Kirishima, but... why do I have to feel like I've betrayed idiot Deku as well? I make no sense... It's like I was still hoping things would change despite everything. Deku... would never see me as his equal, much less...

As he was in the middle of trying to organise his feelings, someone came out of the building to squat down just a few steps away. Once he saw who it was, he quickly turned his face away.

_Fuck._

This was most certainly not what he needed right now. Just the idiot's way of freaking out in his presence was already tearing at his heart. Just Deku being Deku was unbearable to him right now.

_Why do I have to like this nerd to fucking much?_

"So annoying...", he managed, exhausted from all the pain this whole situation had been giving him. He was really hoping the subject of that one incident wasn't going to pop up again or he might just let the truth spill from his lips with how defeated he was feeling right now.

"Kacchan, aren't you cold?"

"I'm fine...", he persisted just before being hit by what felt like the coldest wind ever. He was usually not really the person to be freezing very easily, but right now he didn't feel like himself neither mentally nor physically.

"There's no way you can be fine dressed like that out here!", the other protested and offered him his hoodie.

_Don't worry about me..._

"Hah? You're not wearing more than I am under there, right? I said I'm fine, keep your damn shirt on."

_Don't be kind to me..._

As Izuku got closer to share his hoodie anyway, the blonde acted before thinking, and turned his gaze away from its safe spot of nothingness to complain about the sudden body contact. "H-hey, don't just carelessly touch me! I'll kill you!"

Their eyes met and he felt himself go weak as he was drowning in a deep, emerald ocean. He knew the other was just considerate by nature and that it wasn't personal, but still his heart melted during times like this, when Izuku showed that he cared for him. This was exactly what he had wanted to avoid.

_Don't... remind me about how it feels to have you close..._

"Ah, you finally looked this way."

Katsuki felt his face warm up, and as the strength was sucked out from his legs by the smile the green-haired was giving him, he let his behind fall to the ground. He didn't really care about getting dirty and he rather not had his legs shake like leaves for the other to notice. Izuku did the same and as he moved, the hoodie dropped down onto the ground.

No matter how much he was hurting from being close to this guy, he didn't want this moment to end so he stayed still and kept his mouth shut.

_I must be the biggest fucking idiot in the universe._

"Kacchan, do you usually come out here in the middle of the night?", he was asked as he stared down onto their hands. He was wondering if the hand by his side would feel warm or cold, and had to restrain himself not to attempt finding it out.

"Not really...", he answered distantly as he let himself be distracted by the worn out fingers of the other. Their condition was the proof of his hard work, and because of that hard work, Katsuki was feeling like he was being more and more left behind.

_Deku, are you aware..._

"In that case..."

_...that the reason I'm so hung up on the way you look at me and how I always act like you're pissing me off..._

"...I guess I must be super lucky tonight."

The words made the blonde feel all warm inside, and that warmth quickly started burning behind his eyes. As he then noticed the head by his side kept tipping forward, he let green locks slip in between his fingers to gently lead it to his shoulder. His hand fell back to the ground, and tears slowly emerged from crimson depth, feeling warm against his skin.

_...is because when you look at me, I get reminded you'll never see me in the same way as I see you? it makes me feel weak as fuck and I__ hate it to death._

Bruised fingers sneaked in between his, lightly hugging his hand. He hugged it back, biting his lower lip to keep it from trembling.

_So I get angry as a way of defending myself, trying desperately to keep your persistent ass away._

For a second he'd assumed that Izuku had grabbed a hold of his hand to comfort him, and while that had already been hurting plenty, the words that were uttered next made him feel like his heart was literally crumbling apart in his chest.

"Don't leave, Kacchan."

_...Nah, of course you wouldn't be aware. After all, I'm just being a damn idiot feeling like this all on my own._

Katsuki's hand tightened around the other's as the tears started streaming down his cheeks in silence. His free arm covered his eyes.

_So you probably also don't realise, how unfair it is for you to ask me to stay._


	10. Chapter 10

I am now posting the continuation to this fic on Archiveofourown under the name "Blessing in Disguise" with the same username as on here so feel free to check it out!


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